Roland with My Homies: A Stephen King’s Dark Tower Book Club

The Little Sisters of Eluria - Kisses For All! Or, God Help Us, Water Sports

July 15, 2018

This week on ROLAND WITH MY HOMIES, we say the B-Word, which is "Bloodmancy."

Just because your podcast hasn't gotten its red wings doesn't mean the rest of us can't get super horned up to the sounds of violent exsanguination! That's right, Ka-Babbies, we're reading THE LITTLE SISTERS OF ELURIA, a delectable little confection collected in the short story anthology EVERYTHING'S EVENTUAL. In this short prequel novel, Roland gets beaten up by a pack of mutants and spends most of the story strapped to a hammock while unsettling vampire stuff happens all around him. Oh lord, I hope the resolution has something to do with a Christian dog!

ALSO: we chat with Danielle's mom, tell a funny story from Danielle and Mike's wedding, make explicit the implicit in regards to SUPER MARIO ODYSSEY, and authoritatively assert our opinions on whether you're allowed to say The B-Word. 

This podcast was recorded on Thanksgiving Eve in 2017, to set the scene, so prepare to hear our thoughts about Roy Moore and how everyone in our lives wants to hear our STRANGER THINGS takes.

ROLAND WITH MY HOMIES is a SPOILER ZONE so please read the book first. 


Hello and Welcome 0:00.000
Is The Dark Tower Sexy or Just Horny? 0:47.158
Why Read Eluria after the Gunslinger? 1:54.119
I wish PS4 did backwards compatibility like Xbox One 3:04.319
Recap begins 3:24.390
Stranger Things is a little better than The Dark Tower 4:27.580
Danielle would book an AirBnB in Eluria 5:47.317
Unclear if Mike properly used the word "Bemused" 7:08.000
Roland thinks it's wrong to kill the only sign of life in a ghost town 7:42.039
Mike admits when he's wrong 11:39.401
Dark Tower Religion stuff 15:52.654
Josh reveals how often he tunes out Mike and Danielle 17:17.910
I'm not actually going to splice anything in from a previous episode screw that man 17:22.575
Witch Doctors in my Beyonce Facebook group 18:49.358
What Roland would think about Roy Moore 20:21.673
Do they, Danielle? 21:05.433
Is there a JFK drinking game on this show? There is now!! 22:26.531
9/11 23:15.203
Roland convalesces 24:42.285
Danielle's mom calls and asks us about Stranger Things, discussion of D+M's Wedding 27:35.362
Our apartment is the ideal environment for podcasting 36:09.144
Dinner Time? 36:36.264
Jenna the Hot One 36:38.515
The "doctors" ahhhhh!! (Danielle's Lucille Bluth impression) 38:01.862
James and John 39:12.342
Extremely Professionally, Danielle and Josh are chatting to each other on Google Hangouts during the recording. 39:27.433
Josh uses the B-word 40:10.395
REF: What We Do in the Shadows 40:47.737
Will anyone know these politics references? 43:15.529
Is the soup nasty or delicious? 44:12.833
We finally address the gendered hostility in the podcast 44:48.092
Holy hell, I can't believe we were making #MeToo riffs last Thanksgiving we are living in a hellish perpetual present 45:21.189
Kisses for all! (Danielle reads unsexy erotica) 46:08.630
Debate upon the legitimacy of Roland's boner 49:12.750
Only magic could turn Roland into a two-pump chump 49:28.027
Josh vs. Leftist Women 53:19.142
Just because you haven't gotten your Red Wings doesn't mean everyone is turned off by the smell of blood 54:05.610
LINK: Stephen King's Boners Tumblr 55:35.810
For some reason this all reminds Josh about Bloodborne 57:50.156  
Canned Ham? 1:00:58.847
Hooboy 1:03:37.802
Josh vs. Stephen King's Misogyny 1:06:05.171
Josh actually liked this story but... 1:07:03.618
Parner up early and you don't have to grow 1:08:57.430
Danielle is ride-or-die for Wendy Torrance 1:10:05.612
Is King self-aware enough about Roland's nostalgia? 1:12:50.875
I think King addresses this in The Drawing of the Three 1:15:06.689
Josh doesn't know he's describing Odetta Holmes 1:16:43.933
Mike confuses Stephen King for Kurt Vonnegut 1:17:09.441
What Roland has done so far 1:17:14.987
Danielle pulls some random passage to talk about not sure of her point here 1:18:13.386
Another Pee Break 1:18:26.947
Mario Odyssey 1:18:45.831
Did Pauleen Fuck Donkey Kong? (Do you need to ask?) 1:19:56.602
B-Word So Sorry 1:20:37.694 1:23:22.945
An Intervention on the B-Word 1:24:11.106
Mike says bitch but it's like almost midnight at this point so sorry 1:24:29.620
A discussion of Dracula and Danse Macabre and Oscar Wilde 1:29:00.200
Josh loves Dracula 1:30:46.682
Men just get off from evil 1:34:16.395
Through your women you will all be mine 1:36:32.734
Oscar Wilde??? 1:37:02.053
Anality 1:42:48.062
That's Ka, baby 1:43:28.478
Danielle shouts "KILL THE DOG, ROLAND!!" 1:45:15.177
The opposite of this would be a creature that steals life in some way, don't you think? 1:46:10.222
Mike takes five minutes to say the most banal platitudes in podcast history 1:46:23.079
God help us, water sports 1:47:45.196
Does Josh like this story? 1:53:42.703
Preview The Stand 1:54:47.230
Josh watched IT when he was 4 1:56:09.583
Danielle talks about her thesis 1:57:40.842
We ended up on Podbean 1:58:38.048
Mike will hook you up with pirate copies of Maude 2:00:12.561
How much stand to read 2:00:13.773
Keeeeeeeep Readin'! 2:00:55.835



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"Bumper Tag" by John Deley