The Stand, Part 1 - The Mysteries of Joshua Burdick

October 15, 2018

ROLAND WITH MY HOMIES is making podcast history AGAIN!

Season 2 of ROLAND WITH MY HOMIES starts off with a real noodle-scratcher, folks. Mired with technical problems, the podcast editor has bravely salvaged just the most delectable morsels of literary insight for your edification. It's the most avant-garde episode yet!

Apologies to Josh, whose speaking sections were lost due to a failed Skype recording, and to our podcast audience who are composed primarily of Josh fans. JOSH WILL RETURN for the second part of the The Stand discussion.


Twitter: @RolandWith

Music: Jason Shaw - Back to the Woods

Podcast Art: Look it up

The Little Sisters of Eluria - Kisses For All! Or, God Help Us, Water Sports

July 15, 2018

This week on ROLAND WITH MY HOMIES, we say the B-Word, which is "Bloodmancy."

Just because your podcast hasn't gotten its red wings doesn't mean the rest of us can't get super horned up to the sounds of violent exsanguination! That's right, Ka-Babbies, we're reading THE LITTLE SISTERS OF ELURIA, a delectable little confection collected in the short story anthology EVERYTHING'S EVENTUAL. In this short prequel novel, Roland gets beaten up by a pack of mutants and spends most of the story strapped to a hammock while unsettling vampire stuff happens all around him. Oh lord, I hope the resolution has something to do with a Christian dog!

ALSO: we chat with Danielle's mom, tell a funny story from Danielle and Mike's wedding, make explicit the implicit in regards to SUPER MARIO ODYSSEY, and authoritatively assert our opinions on whether you're allowed to say The B-Word. 

This podcast was recorded on Thanksgiving Eve in 2017, to set the scene, so prepare to hear our thoughts about Roy Moore and how everyone in our lives wants to hear our STRANGER THINGS takes.

ROLAND WITH MY HOMIES is a SPOILER ZONE so please read the book first. 


Hello and Welcome 0:00.000
Is The Dark Tower Sexy or Just Horny? 0:47.158
Why Read Eluria after the Gunslinger? 1:54.119
I wish PS4 did backwards compatibility like Xbox One 3:04.319
Recap begins 3:24.390
Stranger Things is a little better than The Dark Tower 4:27.580
Danielle would book an AirBnB in Eluria 5:47.317
Unclear if Mike properly used the word "Bemused" 7:08.000
Roland thinks it's wrong to kill the only sign of life in a ghost town 7:42.039
Mike admits when he's wrong 11:39.401
Dark Tower Religion stuff 15:52.654
Josh reveals how often he tunes out Mike and Danielle 17:17.910
I'm not actually going to splice anything in from a previous episode screw that man 17:22.575
Witch Doctors in my Beyonce Facebook group 18:49.358
What Roland would think about Roy Moore 20:21.673
Do they, Danielle? 21:05.433
Is there a JFK drinking game on this show? There is now!! 22:26.531
9/11 23:15.203
Roland convalesces 24:42.285
Danielle's mom calls and asks us about Stranger Things, discussion of D+M's Wedding 27:35.362
Our apartment is the ideal environment for podcasting 36:09.144
Dinner Time? 36:36.264
Jenna the Hot One 36:38.515
The "doctors" ahhhhh!! (Danielle's Lucille Bluth impression) 38:01.862
James and John 39:12.342
Extremely Professionally, Danielle and Josh are chatting to each other on Google Hangouts during the recording. 39:27.433
Josh uses the B-word 40:10.395
REF: What We Do in the Shadows 40:47.737
Will anyone know these politics references? 43:15.529
Is the soup nasty or delicious? 44:12.833
We finally address the gendered hostility in the podcast 44:48.092
Holy hell, I can't believe we were making #MeToo riffs last Thanksgiving we are living in a hellish perpetual present 45:21.189
Kisses for all! (Danielle reads unsexy erotica) 46:08.630
Debate upon the legitimacy of Roland's boner 49:12.750
Only magic could turn Roland into a two-pump chump 49:28.027
Josh vs. Leftist Women 53:19.142
Just because you haven't gotten your Red Wings doesn't mean everyone is turned off by the smell of blood 54:05.610
LINK: Stephen King's Boners Tumblr 55:35.810
For some reason this all reminds Josh about Bloodborne 57:50.156  
Canned Ham? 1:00:58.847
Hooboy 1:03:37.802
Josh vs. Stephen King's Misogyny 1:06:05.171
Josh actually liked this story but... 1:07:03.618
Parner up early and you don't have to grow 1:08:57.430
Danielle is ride-or-die for Wendy Torrance 1:10:05.612
Is King self-aware enough about Roland's nostalgia? 1:12:50.875
I think King addresses this in The Drawing of the Three 1:15:06.689
Josh doesn't know he's describing Odetta Holmes 1:16:43.933
Mike confuses Stephen King for Kurt Vonnegut 1:17:09.441
What Roland has done so far 1:17:14.987
Danielle pulls some random passage to talk about not sure of her point here 1:18:13.386
Another Pee Break 1:18:26.947
Mario Odyssey 1:18:45.831
Did Pauleen Fuck Donkey Kong? (Do you need to ask?) 1:19:56.602
B-Word So Sorry 1:20:37.694 1:23:22.945
An Intervention on the B-Word 1:24:11.106
Mike says bitch but it's like almost midnight at this point so sorry 1:24:29.620
A discussion of Dracula and Danse Macabre and Oscar Wilde 1:29:00.200
Josh loves Dracula 1:30:46.682
Men just get off from evil 1:34:16.395
Through your women you will all be mine 1:36:32.734
Oscar Wilde??? 1:37:02.053
Anality 1:42:48.062
That's Ka, baby 1:43:28.478
Danielle shouts "KILL THE DOG, ROLAND!!" 1:45:15.177
The opposite of this would be a creature that steals life in some way, don't you think? 1:46:10.222
Mike takes five minutes to say the most banal platitudes in podcast history 1:46:23.079
God help us, water sports 1:47:45.196
Does Josh like this story? 1:53:42.703
Preview The Stand 1:54:47.230
Josh watched IT when he was 4 1:56:09.583
Danielle talks about her thesis 1:57:40.842
We ended up on Podbean 1:58:38.048
Mike will hook you up with pirate copies of Maude 2:00:12.561
How much stand to read 2:00:13.773
Keeeeeeeep Readin'! 2:00:55.835



"Wool" by Big Ups

"Bumper Tag" by John Deley

Arthur C. Clarke With My Homies

June 26, 2018

Keeeeeeep Readin' "The Little Sisters of Eluria," because we don't even start talking about it in this episode!! This is just the chill sesh from immediately before we start talking about the story. We talk about which books are on The List (spoiler: we add one!), our various childhood traumas, and more! It's the Loosey-Goosiest Roland With My Homies yet!!


Confirmation of Reading Order 0:00.000
Word Processor of the Gods 1:08.646
Josh is in such a dark world he assumes all positivity is sarcasm 2:16.990
Discussion of whether to add books to the list 2:45.033
Eaze Spot 5:41.191
D is "so fucking pumped" for The Stand 7:28.834
D want this podcast to outlast the Trump presidency 8:56.864
In every fucking episode we argue about how to pronounce Wolves of the Calla 10:27.154
After we're done with The Dark Tower 11:19.969
Following My Bliss 12:08.302
What! We actually add The Talisman to the list 13:40.000
Trumppppppp 15:32.308
Mike's Story About Childhood's End 17:04.895
What we were reading in middle school 18:39.409
What Mike did with the settlement 22:16.107
What the HECK does a twelve year old want to read that book for 24:22.923
She means the beam 28:17.881
Danielle's high school experience 29:13.411
Mike and Josh have similar outlooks on the future 32:34.728


The Gunslinger, Part 4 - Why Are You Telling Me This Story?

May 30, 2018

Birds fight the elderly on the looooongest ROLAND WITH MY HOMIES yet!

Roland tells Jake the most inappropriate story about the time a Wizard porked his mom, The Man in Black tells Roland a story about what the universe is made out of when Stephen King falls asleep during Intro to Geek Cosmology class, and Josh asks Danielle and Mike, "What IS the Dark Tower?" Their response is a Ka-Babbie CLASSIC!! Come one, come all (but only really if you've read THE GUNSLINGER), step right up to the STRANGEST Dark Tower Book Club Podcast OF THEM ALL (and there are like twelve)!!!

(and I don't listen to any of them [sorry])



00:00:36 This is the first time we say "Roland With My Homies" on the podcast and Mike really puts some stank on it.
00:01:39 How Long Are We Going to Take on The Stand?
00:02:30 Danielle could not be more wrong about what The Stand isn't
00:03:26 Phallic DIck
00:05:14 Begin Previously On
00:05:36 Mike thinks it's really important to name the desert every time.   
00:06:35 Danielle says 80's when she means 70's
00:06:54 Seduction implies consent. I'm not sure if there's an argument and if so which side Mike is on.
00:07:58 Begin Chapter 4
00:08:33 Marten and Roland use sex as a weapon similarly
00:10:29 Let's talk about the cotillion
00:14:32 The hips don't lie
00:16:58 Bar Mitzvah and other meaningless ceremony (Josh has a series-level core insight about one of SK's dominant themes)
00:20:53 This conversation takes place before an earlier conversation in Episode 02 - The Curious Case of Episode Two.
00:22:54 Why did Roland tell Jake this story?
00:23:52 Racism. Also, King of the Hill Reference
00:24:38 Roland catches Marten Nasty
00:27:24 Shakespeare ref
00:28:48 He who White Knights on Twitter has forgotten the face of his father
00:31:09 More Bar Mitzvah Talk and Proving
00:37:17 Commercial Breakdown (we still like this joke)
00:38:11 Is the cuckoldry directed at Roland or Steven?
00:40:31 Society crumbles on Steven's watch
00:41:10 Cort pleads with Roland
00:42:10 I stopped counting the instances of "bitch" but it's pretty rough.
00:43:07 Roland chooses a living thing as his weapon
00:44:10 Again, Roland is telling this to Jake
00:45:10 A Fist Full of Talons (it's an eagle not a hawk)
00:46:29 David's name
00:48:53 Macanahey's great line reads
00:53:02 Mike is wrong about the slow mutants not being referenced later
00:53:52 Brief Beneath the Planet of the Apes Discussion
00:55:07 The gang try admirably to riff on the concept of Slow Mutants
00:57:47 Josh asks "what does the tower mean??"
01:00:23 The Dark Tower Sounds Like Shit
01:05:26 We recommend a bunch of movies and poetry, including "The Second Coming" which will be super important in The Stand
01:10:22 Josh doesn't love Jake. Josh saying "We use our friends to bounce things off of" goes uncommented upon.
01:12:51 Danielle refuses to stop aging Jake down
01:19:52 May Nixon rot in hell
01:23:19 Roland is With Her
01:23:45 Chapter 5: The Gunslinger and the Man in Black
01:24:21 Some great singing here
01:28:39 TO suggest an ending is the one absurdity
01:29:27 Walter's Master comes to him in his dreams, but Roland is his climax
01:35:06 Little drunk, Mike has kind of run out of analytical gas at this point
01:35:52 We can't stop injecting politics into an otherwise inoffensive podcast!
01:37:52 One of the homies has listened to Dolly Parton's autobiography on audiobook in the shower
01:39:11 Sayin' the B-word, hope you can handle it
01:41:17 We Fan-Cast the Dark Tower movie, but Roland's mom HAS to be Dolly
01:42:43 Reference: Final Fantasy XIII (insert Lightning Youtube clip)
01:46:05 ???

NEXT TIME: We enjoy a sexy vampire convalesence as Roland and the Homies go up against their insecurites and "THE LITTLE SISTERS OF ELURIA"!!  


Music: The Freeharmonic Orchestra

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 Fonts: A Dripping Marker and Stranger Things


[the only podcast I listen to is The Weeds on Vox and that's because I got confused about the title]

The Gunslinger, Part 3 - Yaddle and Love and Light

April 4, 2018

Chaos reigns this week on Roland With My Homies!

Hey guys, I'm kind of sorry that the podcast is late. I now realize why other podcasts have producers. It's not because it's necessarilly too much work, but because it's really hard to listen to your own fucking stupid voice for hours at a time every fucking week. I now know when I'm about to say something stupid just by looking at the waveform.

Anyway, sorry to those of you who are following along at home. In this episode, we're talking about "The Oracle and the Mountain." Roland does some HARD DRUGS and then has to listen to some HARD TRUTHS about his relationship with his tween companion Jake. Sounds like absolute hell to me, but at least he gets laid again. 

Most of this episode is about Yaddle from Star Wars, though. Peace!


00:06:15 I know what I mean when I'm talking about Black Light Posters, but I wonder if anyone else does...
00:06:42 Does Danielle have a bit of a cold here?
00:07:45 Dude, I wish I had spliced this all together into one podcast at this point.
00:08:33 Roland cockblocks Jake
00:09:07 Standing Stone vs. Speaking Ring
00:09:22 Wait, what IS a Speaking Ring? I still don't know.
00:11:58 Roland gives Jake the jawbone and ties him up
00:13:04 Mescaline facts
00:16:09 This is a hard cut to remove some personal information!!
00:16:22 What went down in the back rows of the theater when Star Wars first came out
00:17:46 Mike says "bitch" I thought he was supposed to be the nice one
00:19:08 The whole last third of the dark tower movie is basically the Zion part of The Matrix Reloaded
00:19:42 Josh sends the photo that tanks the podcast
00:20:02 Jenny Slate should play the succubus
00:21:50 Danielle's claim to fame
00:23:23 Still talking about Yaddle
00:24:46 Danielle hates on women again
00:26:16 The Homies lament Peak TV
00:27:56 Roland demands the Oracle speak prophecy before he will put out
00:28:58 The Three
00:29:37 Josh has edited a Wikia page about the Star Wars character Yaddle, and then he proudly posted a screenshot of his edit to the Skype window, and I just don't know what to do with this because if I edited it out the show would be like ten minutes which now that I type it all out would probably not be a bad thing
00:31:09 ???? I couldn't bear to edit this out because Josh sounds so happy.
00:32:15 Reference: Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001 probably)
00:32:56 Pretty Racist Stuff here
00:35:29 Danielle revels in yelling gender epithets
00:36:39 Roland tries to slut shame the Oracle, who retorts by infanticide-shaming him.
00:37:49 Danielle once again says the b-word with gusto.
00:39:10 Josh does a reading
00:39:52 Josh's thinks his Chinese food has arrived but I think we find out later that it hadn't
00:40:48 We say "bitch" so much I am so sorry it's on the list
00:41:45 Jake is basically Morty at this point, and we're not the first people to make that connection
00:42:27 Josh tries to send Mike a funny Dark Tower meme, but it's just another erotic picture of Yaddle
00:42:50 We DO have a website, at Rolandwith.Club
00:43:33 The only real beauty is order and love and light
00:45:54 Jake wishes he could have lived in Gilead
00:47:14 Well, I guess that's just how it is!
00:47:35 We close the book on The Gunslinger and kind of sum things up even though there's one more episode about it after this.
00:50:09 Borderline transphobia


NEXT TIME: We go back in time to before we knew that the original episode didn't record and finish up THE GUNSLINGER. We have a nice chat about THE SLOW MUTANTS and THE GUNSLINGER AND THE MAN IN BLACK. I don't know what else we talk about but I bet it's a three hour discussion about why Josh should watch Steven Universe. 


Music: Doctor TurtleThe Freeharmonic Orchestra

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 Fonts: A Dripping Marker and Stranger Things

Yaddle Picture (NSFW)


The Gunslinger, Part 2 - The Curious Case of Episode Two

March 14, 2018

A Podcast is only as good as its Lost Episode.

The Homies screwed up the recording and have to double back and re-talk about the middle section of the book after they've already finished it. So they studied up, lit a kettle of coffee and had a clean, sober, concise discussion to replace the one they'd lost.

KIDDING! This one's a mess and we forget to talk about Chapter 3. It's also a pretty good time. 

Roland's hot on the trail of The Man in Black when he's confronted with every Gunslinger's weakness - a tween boy he can force to listen to boring stories of his youth. It's the Baby Boom writ large this week on Roland With My Homies!

Please read The Oracle and the Mountains for next time if you haven't already. We're drinking COFFEE in the next one!

Please rate us on iTunes! I think that's what you're supposed to do to podcasts!

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Email us I guess




0:05:29 I edited out the first two times Mike tried to start talking about the topography of Midworld.
0:06:57 Mike flubs basic facts that could have been checked by glancing at the table of contents.
0:09:57 Hot Takes about Game of Thrones distance travel continuity problems. Why didn't I edit this part out; it was stale even then.
0:11:25 Casual Ableism
0:13:07 Nigh-insightful comment about narrative time dilation
0:14:00 Discussion of The Way Station begins here.
0:14:42 America - A Horse With No Name
0:19:40 WHAT did Jake say?!?
0:22:07 Danielle makes her whole Stephen King lunch out of paragraphs like this.
0:22:57 Roland wishes he would lose his hand.
0:24:26 Controlling the mind is more violative than destroying the body.
0:26:01 Reference: Margaret (2011)
0:26:32 We hate on The Dark Tower movie again. There's really not much to recommend it.
0:28:18 Reference: Parks & Rec
0:29:47 It seems like Mike and Dani laugh too hard at Josh's joke, but it's actually cleverly edited to remove an embarassing conversation.
0:31:36 Why does Roland take the jawbone?
0:37:53 Discussing The Trap of Love (when The Gunslinger began to love the boy)
0:38:50 Is it going to remain that clunky?
0:40:54 Josh loves masturbatory "anything"
0:43:20 Danielle has funny ways of pronouncing stuff.
0:44:37 Danielle's Bay Area shows through.
0:46:38 Josh rips on Danielle while she's making a drink and can't hear.
0:48:23 What they teach you in Bible Study.
0:49:58 Danielle spares a thought for the filthy casuals who didn't come here to hear our opinions about religion.
0:51:50 Josh is cooking beans and rice.
0:52:52 A Chef vs A Cook
0:53:15 The Kennedy Assassination and The World Moving On.
0:54:15 Is John Farson the same guy as Randall Flagg?
0:56:36 Wishin' we'd read the Dark Tower comics.
0:56:39 Published by Marvel Comics, but not part of the Marvel Universe.
0:59:49 Even though she's clearly drunk, Danielle makes a good point connecting The Dark Tower to Battlestar Galactica (thematically).
1:00:05 Dham D, making another good point about the nature of Randall Flagg.
1:01:36 Danielle thinks Flagg is from Midworld, but in a future episode she will change her mind.
1:03:14 You are my climax.
1:03:47 I'm not saying you should commit terrorism via the food supply but...
1:06:42 Origins of Midworld?
1:10:05 Cuthbert's eyes were gunslinger's eyes.
1:11:41 Patriarchy turned up to 11.
1:14:09 Reading of Roland's conversation with Steven.
1:19:18 Is this Logic vs. Illogic? (Come back here when reading The Stand)
1:19:21 Danielle and Josh hate SK's idea of a Great Society.
1:21:41 Reference: Earthbound (1995)
1:24:18 Would you live in Midworld or our world?
1:26:07 Does Stephen King MEAN for Gilead to be bullshit?
1:26:52 ???
1:27:19 Ooo, let's find darkness in it!
1:27:42 Reference: Marguerite Perrin on Trading Spouses
1:28:33 Is Jake better off in New York?
1:29:01 We describe briefly a video game called Shin Megami Tensei IV
1:31:27 John Farson is the catalyst.
1:34:23 As the night wears on, the conversation turns to Donald Fucking Trump once again.
1:38:41 Does Josh like the book?
1:39:17 Danielle is not The World, refuses to Move On.
1:40:26 If you kill bin Laden, then a lot of people will never join Al Qaeda? Danielle...
1:43:39 Comparing reading styles. Steven is deeply conservative.
1:45:08 At this point, Josh seems to have started to go to bed.
1:46:26 Everyone on this podcast says "bitch" and I don't know why that's cool man. I'm keeping an eye on it.
1:48:04 Why is Roland telling this story?
1:48:59 Mike is not hiding his annoyance well.
0:00:00 Josh should watch Battlestar Galactica.


MUSIC: Handel by Dee Yan-Key

Fonts: A Dripping Marker and Stranger Things

The Gunslinger, Part 1 - Drunk Tower

February 23, 2018
Your favorite Nort jokes, broken promises, and wrong Podcast titles!
This is a podcast about Stephen King's THE DARK TOWER. Originally, we were thinking of calling it DRUNK TOWER, but that was kind of lame so we went with ROLAND WITH MY HOMIES because that's hilarious.
00:00:06:45 Cryptic allusion to Episode Zero
00:00:09:42 The List of books we're gonna read
00:00:13:49 Simpsons Reference
00:00:14:57 Birth Movies Death Story where Mike forgets that the website changed its name
00:00:18:27 The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction Cover
00:00:20:15 Audible Page Flipping
00:00:27:07 Talking about the revised Gunslinger   
00:00:33:45 Mike says "previous" when he probably should have said "prior"
00:00:37:02 Ka, Khef, Ka-Tet - we really don't know what we're talking about here
00:00:42:40 Mike is the most religious nonreligious person we know
00:00:47:16 Casual misogyny here, so sorry
00:00:48:30 The Man Jesus
00:00:52:11 A little more misogyny here
00:01:01:04 This should be the Episode Title, but I don't know if you're allowed to use bad words
00:01:03:03 Josh's Misogyny problem (I think this might be a theme)
00:01:06:20 Stephen King's weird fat woman thing
00:01:08:06 Walter is Marten is Flagg. I feel like we have this all wrong.
00:01:14:55 Talkin' about the best character Nort
00:01:18:07 The world has moved on (we pretend to be smart about politics)
I bet you can subscribe to this on iTunes one day. Try it! Search for it there! Give it a rating, too!
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